


insignificance is bliss

by harryandthestars



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: 1963, Alternate Universe - 1960s, Astronomy, Atheism, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Party, based off a movie, the theory of everything - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 15:38:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18995551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harryandthestars/pseuds/harryandthestars
Summary: “And I could not accept some celestial dictator, not when it seemed like He didn’t accept me for who I am. Yet I wanted a purpose, a worthy goal, and so I assumed it was my humanly obligation to learn as much as I could about the mysteries around us.”





	insignificance is bliss

**Author's Note:**

> skam france is literally such a good show i'm so glad i got into it
> 
> thanks for reading!

 

The room was large, dimly lit with a serpentine orange light that reminded Lucas of sunsets. He closed his eyes and took in the crowd; a hasty, booming, utterly vibrant group, scattered with loud talks of God knows what and a few rare whispers. It made him feel nostalgic, which was rather baffling, due to the fact Lucas had never been to anywhere quite like this.

He had followed his stealthy friends. After spotting the eye-catching fluorescence inside of a grand mansion, it was foolish to deny the party, they told him, not when it seemed to appear so willingly into their midst. So the ragtag adolescents attempted to sneak in, but there was no need to resort to spy work. The guests were too busy; engaged in their own intellectual discussions Lucas could not understand in a million years.

There were smart people all around, dressed in sweater vests and glasses, untouched liquor residing in the palm of their hands. _Scientists_ , he quickly learned, and could not suppress a grin when he saw how disappointed his friends were. No doubt they’d snuck in for women and cheap beer, not men and fancy champagne.

They wanted to leave quickly, but Lucas was not so sure. He made the bathroom excuse and told them to head on without him; why waste a perfectly interesting experience? When would he ever get the chance to see and observe how actual scientists interact again?

So he wandered around the hallway, finally settling on a patterned couch worth more than his flat. He was basking in the pleasant drinks, in the fast-paced, smart people, in the overall attractive aesthetics. It was one of those oddly beautiful moments of solitude surrounded by overwhelming intensity.

But soon he was joined by another outcast, taking the seat next to him. For this man did not seem to suit the party, just as much as Lucas. He was striking, in every sense; sparkling blue eyes encased on a handsome face, lean body, and a small smirk that enticed Lucas as much as it intimidated him.

“What’s your major?” the stranger asked politely, legs crossed.

The words seemed to be stuck in Lucas’ throat. Oh God, it was a big mistake to come here, and a disastrous one to stay.

The man’s brow furrowed, but it cleared within a second. “Oh, I get it. _Anglais_?”

“No, no. _Français._ ” Lucas’ eyes darted around for any escape. “Sorry, I must be g—”

“I’m astrophysics.” He cleared his throat. “In terms of profession, I prefer to be called a cosmologist. Strictly speaking, though, it’s a rather vague description. Don’t you agree?”

There was something different about the man from the rest of the party; while they were all undoubtedly intelligent, the scientists seemed to have a rather awkward, bumbling stature, caused by insecurities, no doubt. But this man—no, this man—he radiated charisma and slightly attractive confidence bordering arrogance. Lucas could not think well enough to figure out why he possessed it.

“I’m actually…” Lucas sighed, hoping that coming clean wouldn’t anger him. “I’m actually a waiter. But I’m studying psychology in the local college.”

“Ah, I see.” No anger or surprise was betrayed in his voice. Rather, there was intrigue. “Do you know who invited you? As I thought this event was for astronomy majors—”

“I snuck in,” he said quickly. The heat rose to his neck; what was he doing? “My friends...They wanted to. So I followed.”

The man laughed. “I figured. This is my house, you know. My little gathering.”

Lucas stood up, embarrassed. Some champagne sloshed onto his shirt; he wondered if jumping out the window was an option. “I am so sorry, we were just being foolish, and I was interested—”

“No, please. Stay. I insist.” His tone was genuine and his eyes were wide, but Lucas was not entirely convinced. “Please, no one ever wants to chat with the science nerds, and well, I’ve never talked to a psychologist before.”

“Aspiring psychologist,” Lucas corrected sheepishly, sitting back down.

“Well, aspiring psychologist, I’m Eliott. Eliott Demaury.” He let out his hand to shake. “And I hope you’ll like to  be called by something else…?”

He laughed and took his hand; it was warm and slightly calloused, as if Elliot experimented with microscopes and models every day (he probably did). “I’m Lucas Lallemant. Do you have these parties often?”

Eliott relaxed on the couch, smiling. “It depends on what you mean by ‘often.’ If you mean once in a blue moon, or as a true astronomer would say, once in a Halley’s Comet, then sure.”

“Then why tonight?” Lucas inquired, trying to inconspicuously wipe the alcohol from his clothing. “Anything special?”

Eliott shrugged. “We’ve been sad lately, us astronomy majors. One of our best professors resigned. I figured a little morale booster could go a long way.”

“Why’d he quit?”

“He’s a smart man, but not wise. In astronomy, you always have to be a little wise. And courageous. Oh yes, he lacked bravery.”

Finally finished with his task of drying the liquor with his sleeve, Lucas relaxed beside Eliott. “What was he scared of?”

“Reality.”

“Reality.” Lucas cocked up an eyebrow. “And how so?”

A boyish smile turned up at the corner of Eliott’s mouth. “Hopefully I will not offend you. But he was religious, and his faith contrasted with his students’ study. For years he’s been teaching about the heavens, and now it’s more critical than ever to understand how it was created, but he couldn’t. So he quit—not without telling us how we’re going to hell, of course.”

Lucas absorbed this information slowly, then said, “I believe, too.”

Eliott smiled. “And so do I. Don’t we all believe?”

“I mean, in God—I’m Catholic.” He exhaled. “But what can cosmologists possibly believe in?”

The effect of those words were astounding. Eliott was not offended; on the contrary, his blue eyes lit up, as if they were stars just waiting to shine. “One single equation that can explain the creation of the Universe.”

“And what’s...What’s the equation?”

He laughed. “That’s the question, dear Lucas. That is the question.”

Lucas felt warm; perhaps it was the champagne, perhaps it was the way Eliott said Lucas’ name, perhaps it was how the scene seemed to be picture perfect. They sat in silence for a few moments, contently listening to conversations Lucas was starting to get the grasp of—equations, light, time, black holes. The words flew around in the way only words can, and a part of him wished that he could stay here forever.

“So where are your friends?” Eliott asked, interrupting his musings.

“My friends? Oh. They’re—they were busy, I suppose, so they left. I’m truly sorry for trespassing like this; I don’t know what got into me—”

“It’s really not a problem, psychologist.” His eyes were still shining. “Come on, let’s go on a walk. I’m far too hot inside.”

And so Lucas followed, as if he could not; there was something intoxicating in this man he’d just met. It was scary and new, but familiar at the same time. Shame— it usually came in small floods when these feelings were prominent. Lucas knew what they meant. He didn’t need psychology textbooks to understand he liked men. Maybe the alcohol prevented the guilt that night, or Eliott. Either way, Lucas felt content, strolling next to the astronomer’s tall figure.

He was leading him to a beautiful balcony. It looked vaguely medieval, as if they were in some Scottish castle. Lucas turned to Eliott to inquire about the design, but he saw where his eyes were fixated at. Not at the balcony, but what overlooked the balcony.

The sky had never seemed so large. All around were stars, irrevocably attached to this marvelous black canvas, and Lucas was enamored for a few minutes until Eliott asked, not breaking his gaze, “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Lucas agreed quietly, staring at him. “Beautiful.”

Eliott sighed, and then looked at Lucas. “Have you ever used a telescope, psychologist?”

Taken aback, he told him no, which was apparently a crime equivalent to treason. Excitedly, Eliott led him to the expensive instrument, guiding Lucas with supple fingers. He shuddered, but not just from the cold. “Tonight, dear Lucas, you will see the stars as you’ve never seen before.”

And he was right. The little dots of light were extremely bright. There were so many; all around, sights to be explored by his eyes.  It was truly a blessing, this guide to the heavens.

Eliott started naming different stars and constellations, and Lucas struggled to keep track. The quantity started becoming exhaustible, leaving him with a cold feeling that was attached to anxiety. He could not entirely explain why, but Lucas’ gaze had to break away.

Eliott did not seem surprised. Nothing seemed to shock him. A grim smile was attached on his face as he said, “It’s scary, isn’t it? How many there are, surrounded around us? I used to feel the same way. It terrified me, my realization of our insignificance. I believed in God, too, for surely our smallness had a reason attached to it.” He sighed. “And then I realized.”

“Realized what?”

“That I’m gay.” Eliott shrugged; Lucas’ heart stopped. “Yes, a homosexual. And I could not accept some celestial dictator, not when it seemed like He didn’t accept me for who I am. Yet I wanted a purpose, a worthy goal, and so I assumed it was my humanly obligation to learn as much as I could about the mysteries around us. So do not fear our size in this world, Lucas. We have ways to occupy our limited time.”

And it seemed fitting that the only way to occupy their time was for Lucas’ lips to meet Eliott’s. It was soft, at first, and slowly delved into a foreign passion. Elliot had to recover from the initial shock, and Lucas could not help but feel some triumph from finally catching the sure man off-guard.

And then it was more than passion, it was God’s will, Lucas was sure, because how could something so intoxicating be created by random chance and probability? He felt God in Eliott’s lips, in the slight hitch of his breath, in his thick, tousled hair. If he was destined for hell, so be it, he concluded; this was fucking heaven, and Lucas was not going to deny himself this pleasure anymore, not when he was on this minute green-and-blue dot that held so much ignorant hatred.

When it finally ended—after minutes, hours, years, eons—all Lucas could say was, “Let’s do it again.”

“Yes,” Eliott happily agreed. “Let’s.”

And the next time they kissed, their eyes still sought the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it! this is unedited so please excuse any mistakes for now lol


End file.
